


Letters to Dan.

by ily4never



Category: Youtubers, fantastic foursome - Fandom
Genre: ALSO THERE IS A BIT OF BLOOD BC WAR, American Civil War, Angst, But Not Much, Historical AU, M/M, Oops, Phan - Freeform, im still tagging it anyway bc i don't want to trigger anyone, random unimportant characters scattered about, they're also american in this, v sad
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-12-04
Updated: 2015-12-04
Packaged: 2018-05-04 20:41:50
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,453
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5347862
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ily4never/pseuds/ily4never
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Phil Lester has joined the Union army. The country is filled with war and death, but, in the midst of the pain, his love, Dan Howell, keeps him sane.</p><p>Or, alternatively, the fic where I make them American so that Phil can fight against slavery.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Letters to Dan.

**Author's Note:**

> Yes, hi, hello. This was originally written for an English assignement, but, while I was writing it, I was just picturing Dan and Phil. This is v historical and probably lame. 
> 
> There is a slight mention of blood, and death is talked about a lot. Please, do not put yourself in a bad place for the sake of a crappy fic.

My name is Phil Lester, I am a twenty-three-year-old man. Before I left to join the Union cause, my mother bought me a journal to write my thoughts down, but, in all honsety, I only got the journal so that I could write to the love of my life.

//

Dear Dan,  
The days have grown dark, and I feel like my soul is being consumed by the darkness. Out here, it is hard to find joy. With you, I always felt joy and warmth, but, out here, all I see is death and destruction. Luckily, I have met many boys my age who feel the same way. Each day, I am reminded of the fact that war is a cruel game. There are boys out here fighting, Dan! Young boys who cannot even fully understand what they are fighting for. At the last battle, there was a young Condferderate boy killed; his body was just lying there. I swear, he barely looked sixteen. I know that I am fighting for a good cause, but I question if I made the right decision in joining the army. Each day, I am faced with wounded men and death, and, when not affronted by that, I am left to wonder about what life is like back home.  
I hope that all is well back in Pennsylvania. The weather is usually good this time of year, and, hopefully, you are outside enjoying it. I remember when, about this time last year, we had that little picnic in the park. The sun was beaming down on us, and, somehow, it’s brightness was nothing compared to your smile. Deep down, I have this fear that, while I’m gone, you will find new love, but I know that that could never happen. After all, we have always said that we will always be together. We are supposed to be together no matter the physical distance. Anyway, I must go to bed now. I love you my dear.

//

Dear Dan,  
As the days go by, I find myself thinking about what life will be like when the war is over. What a glorious day that will be! I am certain that we will win this war because we have the Lord on our side. After all, the Lord has never been a fan of slavery! My spirits are high today because General Grant believes that, when we go to Antietam Creek, we will create a turning point in the war.  
Despite my happiness, I am also worried. I recently got a letter from your mother, and I am positive that, if you knew she had sent it, you would be angry. She told me that you have not been feeling well lately. She blames it on the fact that, since I have been gone, you have been staying in the park. She is scared for you, as am I. Apparantly, you have been coughing and feeling faint, and, from this far away, all I can do is pray that you will be okay. Darling, please, take care of yourself while I am away. Afterall, you still have so many stories to hear, and you always did love a good story!  
So much has happened since I wrote in here last. A few days ago, one of the men that I had become close to, Jim Morrison, passed away. At one of the last battles, he was shot, but the doctor’s thought that he could recover from his wounds. It appears that the doctor was wrong. The day he passed, I cried. I think a few of the other men saw me, so I tried to contain my tears because I did not want to seem weak. If anything, this gives me another reason to fight. There are many men here who have lost friends in this war, and I think that it is making us fight harder. I have to go now, my mind is too tired to form proper sentences now. Goodbye, dear. I hope that you get rest and return to good health soon.

//

Dear Dan,  
I hate this war. I hate this war because it took me from you. It made you sick. If I would have stayed at home, then you never would have had to go to our meeting place in the cool of night. After a month of not hearing from you, I knew that something was wrong. I just thought that maybe you had moved on! How was I supposed to know that you had died? Apparently, your mother did not mention how sick you really were, she claims that she did not want to worry me.  
In all honesty, I would have rather worried about you, instead of being tormented like this. I want to scream and cry, but I am surrounded by too many others. When I read what your mother’s letter said, I did not believe it. There was no way that you could have died, it was all too sudden. In the letter, your mother said that, “God has perfect timing, and He knew that his purpose had been fulfilled”. I wanted to scream when I read that because, no, I do not think that you were done on this earth. You still had so much that you wanted to do, darling. There was still so much for you to experience.  
I cannot help but remember the last time I saw you. You cried enough for the both of us, and I wanted so desperately to stay with you. As you were crying, I remember thinking about how much I loved you. As I walked away, you waved and said that we would see each other again, and, at the time, I believed you. I miss you! I miss you, and I will continue to do so forever. This ring that I carry with me- it is burning a hole in my heart. You will never see this ring or hear the story of how long I spent looking for it. You will never know that I kept it as a reminder, a reason to continue to fight. I wanted to give it to you when I got home to you, but, now, I suppose that my home is six feet under God’s earth. I cannot say goodbye, it hurts too much to do so!

//

Dear Dan,  
We are heading to Antietam tomorrow, and General Grant expects this to be quite a battle. I do not sleep much anymore, not when I know that I will never see you again. Everytime that I try to close my eyes, I see you standing on my front porch, waiting for me to answer the door. The others are all worried about me, they say that I look like a skeleton. I am glad that you will not have to see me like this. My blue eyes are now surrounded by dark bags, and I look lankier than usual. I do not feel like fighting anymore. After all, my only reason to fight and get home is gone. You are gone- it still seems a bit unreal. I have these moments where I feel like it is all some sort of twisted dream. I must go, my tears are making the page too wet to write on.

//

Dear Dan,  
It is September 18, 1862. Yesterday, I fought at Antietam. Darling, it was so vicious. We no longer seemed like men, we were like animals. We were all fighting over slavery, but, in the end, we were all fighting to get home to those that we loved. My home-you- is gone, though. I stopped fighting halfway through the battle, there was just too much blood. It seemed like death was surrounding me, and it seems that soon I will be joining you in the sky.  
While trying to save one of my friends- he is a husband and has three little girls, I could not let him die-, I was shot in the stomach. The doctor does not expect me to live much longer. He says that he is shocked I even made it this far. I told him that I still had something to do. Remember when we were in the park, and you saw me messing with my pockets. I had the ring then, but it did not feel like the right time. Well, I feel that this is the right time. These will be my last words; I always did think that my last words would be spoken to you. I think that I need to stop being so sentimental and get it done because I feel it overtaking me, so here I go. Daniel James Howell, will you marry me?


End file.
